Family Circus, Oakland Style

As inspired by Kissing Suzy Kolber and The Dysfunctional Family Circus:

Buzz: Along With Contaminated Pet Food, Warriors Fever Slowly Spreading Across Nation

In case you missed the early chats, the Warriors are slowly–slowly!–starting to garner some respect on the World Wide Leader …

Kim: (Dallas, TX): Will the Mavs playoff performance hurt Dirk’s chances of winning the MVP?

John Hollinger: To review, the MVP vote is for the regular season only. All the ballots had been cast before the Mavs-Warriors series started. Which is as it should be. Dirk was the most valuable player in the regular season; he just hasn’t bee in the past four games.

Charles Barkley: I was looking pretty foolish after last night’s game. Any chance the Mavs come back and put those uppity migdets in their place?

John Hollinger: Yes, they absolutely have a chance, because only one of the final three games are in Oakland, and also because Baron Davis is capable of getting injured at any time. But Nelly’s underdog schtick is growing tiresome.

Vin: (Dallas, TX): John, what’s going on with the Mavs? I don’t understand how a team can collapse they have, especially after how well they did in the regular season.

John Hollinger: The Mavs aren’t collapsing; Golden State is playing out of their minds. Look at the run they went on to end the season; this is NOT your typical 42-win team, and if they get past Dallas I would give them great odds if making the conference finals

We Always Liked The Washington Post

Remember in Requiem for a Dream, when Sara Goldfarb (Ellen Burstyn) keeps saying “I’m gonna be on television” throughout the film? Well, here at Say Hey, we showed that crazy old lady who can get on the talking picture box. We got a little shout-out on Blog Show, which is a part of Washington Post Live that airs at 6pm in the DC-Baltimore region. It’s a good segment all around, with lots of internet gems, but if you don’t have time to watch all 11 minutes, we get highlighted–and some props–around the 3:40 mark.

We couldn’t quite get into our red dress for the occasion, but it’s a very nice treat nonetheless.

Thanks to everyone at the Blog Show for the kind words and a bigger thanks to all you readers here at Say Hey. God knows why you stick around, but we are very, very appreciative of your loyalty and contributions. The site couldn’t be what it is without you.

So, thank you.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programs …

Blog Show No. 6: ‘That’s What She Said’ [Mr. Irrelevant]

Giants Roundup: Is It Lincecum Time Yet?

• Yeah, a sweep hurts (especially after that eight game winning streak), but all three losses in Arizona were by one run. Last night, despite picking up his first loss of the year, Matt Morris put in another solid performance against Randy Johnson. All in all, if there’s such a thing as a not-so-bad sweep to a division rival, this was it. [SFGate]
• Meanwhile, down in Fresno, Tim Lincecum is doing his best Superman impression. Yesterday, he struck out 14 batters in just six innings. Think about that. There were 18 outs and 14 of those were strikeouts. Even more impressive are his stats for the year: 4-0, 0.29 ERA, 31 innings, 12 hits, 46 K’s. Yikes. [SFGate]
• The Washington Post consults a rabbi to discuss whether or not to root for Barry Bonds. [Washington Post]
• Shocking news of the weekend: Ray Durham, scratched from Saturday’s lineup because of back soreness. [Scouts Inc]
• Major League Baseball credits Hank Aaron with 50 more homeruns. Take that, Barry. [The Onion]
• The Giants come home tonight to face Colorado. Noah Lowry takes the mound.
• The Homer Watch takes an unexpected turn. For the first time all year, the Giants take the lead, and it’s a commanding one at that: San Francisco Giants 18, Alex Rodriguez 14.

Wow. Just … Wow.

Oh. my. goodness.

Warriors 103, Mavericks 99.

And how about Warriors fans gaining national recognition?

P.S. Our sources tell us The Beard’s gonna paint the town red tonight. Maybe Jessica Alba and Andris Biedrins will be accompanying him, along with some surprise guests. Stay tuned …

[Photo courtesy: AP/Jeff Chiu]

Hey, It’s Hockey Season!

Now, it’s a particularly busy time around the Bay. The Warriors are on the brink of the biggest upset in NBA history (There, I said it). The Giants found HGH the fountain of youth and are tearing up the National League. The NFL has been reading names out loud for the last 36 hours or so. Hence, “hockey” has been relegated to background noise … even more so than usual.

Since San Jose is (barely) a part of the Bay Area, we figured it’s only right to show the Sharks some love, you know, considering they’re in our subtitle and all.

So, it’s still hockey season. Even more importantly, it’s playoff time in the hockey. Most importantly, the Sharks are still in these alleged play-offs.

Last night, the Red Wings of Detroit defeated the Sharks 3-2 in Game Two of the Western Conference semifinals. Jonathan Cheechoo scored 36 seconds into the game and Joe Thornton added his own a couple minutes later, but the Red Wings scored the next three goals to tie up the series. It was the first time a team in the playoffs has blown a lead.

Our main man Ray Ratto summarized the game as “a moderately embarrassing loss” that was not really worth watching:

In other words, this is about less than even grinding out a win. This is about being persistent enough to hope that the other guy runs into the referee, or trips on a squid, or gets confused by concepts like uniform color. This series has shown no sign yet that incandescent talent will suddenly emerge, unless you want to credit the two goalies. And even then, Nabokov has outplayed Hasek and has no egregious clearing errors to his debit.

And there’s your incandescent hockey update. Game Three is Monday night. Maybe that one will be worth watching. Probably not … but you never know.

In case you missed it, there wasn’t much to miss [SFGate]

God Junior … In Action!

It’s almost as if everything is on the youtubes these days … We welcome our new Patrick Willis overlords. He seems strong.

San Francisco Apparently Drafts God Junior

Who needs Jesus when you have Patrick Willis?

The Niners’ first pick in yesterday’s draft already has the Bay Area media eating out of the palm of his linebacker hands. Consider Gwen Knapp:

The answers about Patrick Willis, the team’s top pick Saturday, might have been obvious to even the most casual of scouts. His life story reads like a movie of the week. Willis spent most of his childhood as a quasi-parent to his three younger siblings, taking up the slack for a mom who deserted the family very early and a father who ultimately had to surrender the kids to foster care.Willis made the honor roll as a freshman at Ole Miss. He played in pain and, as Bulldogs coach Ed Orgeron put it, “made all-American with a broken hand.”

Or perhaps Kevin Lynch:

Linebackers coach Mike Singletary was unhappy on a rainy day in Mobile, Ala. at the Senior Bowl when a South-squad linebacker failed to stop the North’s tight ends. Singletary, who coached the South with the rest of the 49ers’ coaching staff in January, called over Mississippi player Patrick Willis and asked him if he could play outside linebacker.Willis had just finished his stint as the starting middle linebacker, where he had practiced in the week leading up to the game. Without qualms, Willis jumped back in at a new position.

Snarkiness aside, Willis is widely considered a can’t-miss draftee. He won the Butkus Award as the nation’s best linebacker, and pretty much every article on him describes him as a solid citizen and a “do-everything” linebacker. Looks like another stellar move in an offseason full of upheaval.

The upcoming Niners season is beginning to look suspiciously positive.

A sure thing, and plenty of surprises [SFGate]

Willis hopes to pull inside job [SFGate]

Doing Some Po-lice Work: The Marichal Myth of 1965

One of the more poignant tales in the long history of the Giants-Dodgers rivalry is undoubtedly the 1965 Juan Marichal-Johnny Roseboro brawl. Now, just about every article about the fight–and Marichal’s subsequent nine game suspension–mentions the poetic justice involved: Marichal missed two starts and the Dodgers eventually won the pennant by two games.

However, after an astute commenter wondered if the Giants actually lost Marichal’s two missed starts, we decided to do some po-lice work to determine whether or not Marichal actually cost the Giants the pennant that year. The problem, of course, lies in trying to figure out exactly which games Marichal would have started. Therein lies the po-lice work.

[Sidenote: If you don't get the reference to "po-lice work," then you're missing out. The Wire is the best show on television.]

So, with the help of Baseball Reference, we delved into the box scores of August of 1965 …

The 10 Biggest Giants Nemeses

In honor of the G-Men’s dominant sweep in Chavez Ravine this week, we’ve decided to list the 10 Biggest Giants Nemeses. These are the worst of the worst. Some are people we love to hate (#2), while others are just plain annoying (#3). Enjoy. And leave some suggestions for the folks we missed.

Note: if you’re looking for the worst Giants of all time, check out this list instead.

10. Eric Gagne: There was a time when Gagne was much higher on this list, back when he was the game’s dominant pitcher for that one year. His swagger on the mound was pretty remarkable, especially considering he’s Canadian and he really only had a year (OK, maybe two years) of dominance. Plus, those stupid glasses were annoying. Since he stopped taking steroids in 2005, Gagne has pitched a grand total of 16.2 innings in the last three years. That’s a shame.

9. Ivan Rodriguez: Coming off a World Series appearance, the boys from the Bay won 100 games in 2003 and squared off against the wild card Florida Marlins in the first round. In the deciding Game 4, the Giants rallied against machete-maniac Ugueth Urbina in the 9th. With San Francisco down a run and J.T. Snow on second, the Giants got a single. Snow trucked home. The throw from the outfield was perfect, so Snow tried to run over Rodriguez. Pudge held onto ball during the monster collision, gripped it in his bare hand and screamed. Game over. Season over.

Nostalgia: Whatever Happened to … Dexter Carter?

In anticipation of tomorrow’s draft, it’s only appropriate we pay respects to the San Francisco 49ers’ first pick in the 1990 draft, Dexter Carter. Unfortunately, he was a bit of a bust as a pro, which is shocking–shocking!–considering that A) he was a 5-9 running back, B) he weighed a buck fifty and C) his name is Dexter.

His career as a backup running back barely lasted seven years, and he retired (and by “retired,” we mean “was released”) in 1996 with 1,042 rushing yards. For some perspective, another running back by the name of Brian Mitchell was taken in the fifth round of that same draft; he ended his 14-year career with 23,316 total yards.

Carter’s legacy probably lies with his weird little helmet (with the two vertical bars that seemed to close to the middle) and his propensity for fumbling the football at the most inopportune times. In the early 90s, perhaps only Mike Cofer evoked more rage in the Bay Area.

Dexter Carter recently returned to his alma mater of Florida State as the running backs coach, which is ironic, because well, what’s he going to teach those kids?

We kid, we kid.

Dexter Carter [wikipedia]

What Do Monta Ellis And Gheorghe Muresan Have In Common?

While you may know him as the best player in the league with acne, Monta Ellis racked up another distinction yesterday: he was named the NBA’s Most Improved Player. The 40th overall pick in the 2005 draft, Monta started 53 games this year for Nellie’s Warriors after hardly playing at all last year. The second-year pro averaged 16.5 points, 4.1 assists and 3.2 rebounds.

With his free-wheeling style and aesthetically-challenged nature, Ellis is a perfect fit in the Warriors athletic, ugly backcourt.

The last Warrior to win the MIP Award was another lightning quick guard taken in the 2nd round, Mr. Gilbert Arenas. And that worked out well for the Warriors.

Another Victory, Another Homerun

• Barry Bonds and Pete Happy both went deep as the Giants topped the Dodgers 6-4 for their seventh straight win. For Barry, it was his third homerun in the last four games. Noah Lowry was solid again. The Giants can pull off the road sweep tonight, when Russ Ortiz (2-1, 4.35) squares off against LA ace Brad Penny (3-0,  1.37). Penny’s been great this year, but if you ask us, he’s due for a bad outing. [SFGate]
• A very drunk person wandered into a random house, hung out in the kitchen for a bit and yelled things like “Barry Bonds doesn’t deserve to be homerun king!” He was arrested. [Deadspin]
• Let the Bruce Bochy lovefest commence … now. [McCovey Chronicles]
• Kevin Frandsen is hitting a tidy .408 in Triple A. Time to trade Ray Durham? Well, seeing as how we’ve been saying “yes” to that question since 2004, we’re going to cast a vote for the youth movement. [SFGate]
• Speaking of Frandsen, we can’t wait until he resurrects his MLB blog. The name alone should make you root for a call-up. [Frannie on the Farm]
• Homer Watch: Alex Rodriguez 14, San Francisco Giants 13

The Post-Game Scene In The Warriors’ Locker Room

Nellie: Well fellas, that didn’t go so well.

Baron Davis: Sorry guys. I should have kept my cool.

Baron’s Beard: What the hell you talkin’ ’bout Baron? We didn’t do nuthin’ wrong! The refs screwed us!

Baron Davis: Quiet, Beard. You already got me in enough trouble tonight.

Baron’s Beard: I’m jus’ sayin’ that we didn’t deserve to get tossed.

Baron Davis: Shut up!

Baron’s Beard: DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! I’M A GROWN BEARD!

Baron Davis: Sorry.

Nellie: Regardless, we played crap out there tonight. We let them control the tempo. Now, as coach, it’s my duty to–

[Monta Ellis starts giggling in the corner]

Nellie: Something funny, Ellis?

Monta Ellis: You said “doody”!

The Experts Speak

This week, the internets were all about tonight’s Warriors-Mavs matchup, especially our boy Hollinger’s chat. All in all, it seems like the Warriors turned some heads, but tonight will (help) determine whether or not Game One was a fluke. Here’s what the so-called “experts” are saying:

Joseph, San Antonio: Could it be the Warriors have total psychological control over the Mavs?

John Hollinger: You start to wonder if they’re in Dallas’s heads a little bit. I thought Avery matching up with George was a premature capitulation.

David (Houston): Do you think Dallas will keep a big man on the court for more minutes to shutdown the driving abilities of Davis? It seemed his constant drives to the basket really opened up their 3 point opportunities in the second half due to Dallas’ smaller lineups.

John Hollinger: I expect Dallas to play big much more in Game 2, because what they tried in Game 1 didn’t work. Biggest impact won’t be on Davis’s drives, but at the other end, where a guy like Dampier can dominate the glass and get fouls on Harrington.