An Open Letter From Baron Davis’ Beard

davis_cr_cr.jpgDear Warriors Fans, Dallas Fans, NBA Fans, Mark “Cuban,” Dirk Diggler and the rest of the world,

Whaaaaas crackulatin’?

See, I thought I’d write y’all a letter to remind all-a-y’all of one very important thing that everyone seems to be forgettin’ about in their playoff predictions …

You ain’t never seen a beard like me.

I ain’t just any old beard. I’m a full beard. Legit like Hammer. Thick like Biggie. Dark like Dikembe the winter solstice.

You tell me who’s got a better version! Big Papi? Nah, too angular. Scott Spiezio? Too red. David the Gnome? Too bushy.

You wanna know why I’m gonna win this Dallas series, dontcha? Well, sheeeeeeet, peep the “beards” that are gonna be “guarding” me:

devin_harris-arton20992-240×240.jpg

jason_terry-arton21209-240×240.jpg

Now, take a look at those attempts at facial hair. They can’t compete with me. Devin Harris’ jaw is as smooth as my boy Stephen Jackson’s glock and I swear Al “Ninja Turtle” Harrington has got more hairs on his bald dome than Jason Terry has hairs in that crap attempt at a mustache. For real.

And what about my boy in the GSW backcourt? Well, we all know I’m the top dog on this team, but the beard over at J-Rich’s face is looking awwwfully tight.

jason_richardson.jpg

Like J-Rich himself, J-Rich’s Beard is a lil’ more refined and powerful than yours truly, who’s rougher than DMX’s voice. Ya heard?

Yeah, we gonna win. Look at that backcourt matchup.

davis_cr_cr.jpg

Done and done.

Sincerely,

Baron Davis’ Beard

6 Responses to An Open Letter From Baron Davis’ Beard

  1. GA Hill says:

    Baron Davis also raps as Black Thought from The Roots. Pretty amazing, really. The Roots play 200+ shows all over the world, yet he still has time to break fools off 80+ games in the NBA. Remarkable.

  2. Displaced Aggression says:

    I don’t think Dallas took the beard seriously in game one. They made a huge mistake! The beard has game.

  3. audionet says:

    but the beard is also volatile, gimpy and unreliable

  4. […] enjoying the presentW’s moment for all it’s worth. Maybe I’ll wear a Baron Davis Beard to work […]

  5. MVP's Fan says:

    The beard is weak, The mavs are strong, He might as well shave it now and save the humiliation in game 7

  6. Hello BD baby!

    First off I think you are so damn fine baby, I wish I could pick up the phone and just call you. its so damn hard to holla when you are a celebrity wich I totaly understand because I’m a HollyHood celebrity. when you are popular you got everybody and they momma pulling at you. DAMN I would love to be your lil momma so bad, when you get mad at your games, I am all up on the TV yelling and talking big sh…! cause I love you fine ass. All bull shit to the side I wish sometimes when you go bad I could be there with you, you think steven jackson got your back. BD aka baby daddy I would love to have your back like a car seat.
    yours truly
    Aiyana A.K.A Sexy Chocolate

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