The Post-Game Scene In The Warriors’ Locker Room

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Nellie: Well fellas, that didn’t go so well.

Baron Davis: Sorry guys. I should have kept my cool.

Baron’s Beard: What the hell you talkin’ ’bout Baron? We didn’t do nuthin’ wrong! The refs screwed us!

Baron Davis: Quiet, Beard. You already got me in enough trouble tonight.

Baron’s Beard: I’m jus’ sayin’ that we didn’t deserve to get tossed.

Baron Davis: Shut up!

Baron’s Beard: DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! I’M A GROWN BEARD!

Baron Davis: Sorry.

Nellie: Regardless, we played crap out there tonight. We let them control the tempo. Now, as coach, it’s my duty to–

[Monta Ellis starts giggling in the corner]

Nellie: Something funny, Ellis?

Monta Ellis: You said “doody”!

Nellie: Jesus Jeffrey Christ. Anyway, for one, we have to take care of the ball, guys! We have to pass better. We have to dribble the ball better.

Andris Biedrins: In Soviet Russia, ball dribble you.

[Room goes silent]

Nellie: Thanks Andy. Now, we’ve done a decent job on Dirk, but–

Mickael Pietrus: Oui, tres bien, in France, we never bow down to Germans!

[Room goes silent again]

Nellie: Now who can tell me what we need to do differently in Game Three?

Stephen Jackson [screaming, shirtless]: We gotta drop ‘dem muthafuckas! ‘Dey a bunch of jump shootin’ bitch muthafuckas! You come at the king you best not miss. And we gotta drop ‘dem refs too! Yo, coach, you want me to put a dime out on Salvatore’s ass? I got me some hardcore peeps here in da Lone Star State.

Nellie [head in hands, with a look of utter disgust]: What did he just say?

Adonal Foyle [putting down a newspaper]: It’s my contention that Mr. Stephen first depicted our Dallas-based counterparts as feminine athletes who are currently engaging in non-marital sex with our mothers, which would seem to be a contradiction in itself. Now, in Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand says that there are no contradictions, so–

Nellie: Put a cork in it, Adonal. How’s about you go make me a grilled cheese sandwich? Use the good gruyere.

Andris Biedrins: In Soviet Russia, cheese grill you.

Sarunas Jasikevicius [standing up]: We beat ourselves tonight. Jason Terry and Josh Howard continuously outhustled us.

Nellie: Hey, this is a players-only meeting. No ballboys allowed. Scram!

Sarunas Jasikevicius: But I am on the team.

[Nellie stares blankly at him]

Sarunas Jasikevicius: … I’m Sarunas Jasikevicius.

[Nellie continues to stare blankly at him]

Sarunas Jasikevicius: … I came over in the Murphy-Dunleavy trade.

[Nellie keeps staring blankly]

Sarunas Jasikevicius [sighs]: … you’ve been calling me “Vince” for the last three months.

[Nellie keeps staring blankly]

[Sarunas Jasikevicius sits back down, defeated and muttering something in Lithuanian under his breath.]

Stephen Jackson: Hey don’t trip, Vince. We’ll get ‘em in Game Three.

[Nellie pours himself a big glass of Scotch]

Monta Ellis: Hey, anyone want some candy?

[Nellie downs the Scotch]

46 Responses to The Post-Game Scene In The Warriors’ Locker Room

  1. DG says:

    Bravo.

    We will get ‘em in game 3. The big O is gonna be bumpin’.

  2. FdotR says:

    That was funny yo.

  3. audionet says:

    genius! pls continue

  4. SFist_Chris says:

    Brilliantly funny, if not painfully so. Love the creativity. Keep it up!

  5. [...] The Post-Game Scene In The Warriors’ Locker Room [image] Nellie: Well fellas, that didn’t go so well. Baron Davis: Sorry guys. I should have kept my […] [...]

  6. Friggin’ brilliant, mate! Really! Congrats from a Portuguese Warriors’ fan.

  7. mr. bush says:

    oh dang! nice one bro. if only there were pictures haha :) but it’s all good, it’s like watching ‘em actually.

  8. justin says:

    ha ha. baron sucks

  9. Alan says:

    That was awesome. very funny indeed

  10. ANate says:

    “DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! I’M A GROWN BEARD!”
    hehehe.

  11. copas says:

    what an engaging bit of jock reality – and people look up to them – por que?

  12. Mike White says:

    Hell, I would have mistook Sarunas with the towelboy. Why didn’t Thunder, the breakdancing mascot, get into this discussion?

    Regardless, the Warriors have to be stoked about the series being 1-1 after two games in Dallas.

    Couldn’t Baron Davis threaten the beard to shut up or he’ll shave it? Or does the playoff beard have the bargaining chip in that situation?

  13. [...] Uma hilária reprodução de como deve ter sido a conversa de Don Nelson com o Golden State Warriors após a derrota para o [...]

  14. Anonymous says:

    hilarous

  15. andy says:

    ahahahahahah
    made me laugh out loud. at work.

  16. jerusalem joe says:

    absolutely awesome

  17. madmouser says:

    Disgustingly funny. I imagine a locker room discussion would be as crude and inane as that one. Yet, they make millions. So much for a good education.

  18. dehack says:

    Mavs fan here. That was some seriously funny creative stuff, grats to the author. You guys have an exciting team and are lucky to have Nellie as a coach. Looking forward to the rest of the series.

  19. eteraz says:

    i hate the mavs

  20. darnay says:

    haha, nice

  21. [...] It’s not often you get a real glimpse inside an NBA locker room like the one given to us by Say Hey: A Bay Area Sports Blog. Say Hey gives a big double scoop of scoop on the Golden State of mind after Game 2 with your [...]

  22. gary says:

    THE WARRIORS HAVE TOO MUCH TALENT TO BE PLAYING ‘THUG’ BALL. DAVIS AND JACKSON SHOT THEIR TEAM IN THE FOOT.

  23. TP says:

    Brilliant.

  24. TP says:

    Although B is a great warrior fan he does love living in Texas.

    What’s up with that B? Holler.

    TP

  25. JRHT says:

    Top stuff that.

  26. sexynlean says:

    I’m with SJ, this is SexynLean with two pistols blazin. I’m a Golden girl from Cali, i’ll drop Salvatore like Tony’s wacking Polly Walnuts n the next episode. My boy DOTMIG left the Donald on the toilet in Miami & told Shaq you can’t stip anymore, becauee DOTMIG is #1.

    I’ll meet you down in the sun in MIA….if you have something to say.

  27. corneliuscharles says:

    What the hell did sexylean say?? Wow. More random than the locker room convo… Texas is cool TP; austin is at least. Go Giants.

  28. SexynLean says:

    Sir Charles,

    When I come into the Bay Area, I want to hook up with a warrior like u. I’ll meet u down at the wharf.

    We are lining up gigs down at the golden gate… http://www.myspace.com/sexynlean

  29. The Miles says:

    AMAZING! Please please continue

  30. qtpie007 says:

    That was…..Interesting.

  31. Awesome and Amazing..!
    thanks for your post :)

    Best Regards…
    ngadutrafik

  32. TheGenius says:

    Hilarious

  33. [...] what better way to add a little spice to that series by linking up a pun of a postgame scene in the Warriors’ locker room. From Nelson to Baron Davis to Baron’s beard, (yes, that’s the top gun’s beard [...]

  34. [...] The Post-Game Scene In The Warriors’ Locker Room « Say Hey: A Bay Area Sports Blog The Post-Game Scene In The Warriors’ Locker Room « Say Hey: A Bay Area Sports Blog [...]

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  37. [...] The Post-Game Scene In The Warriors’ Locker Room « Say Hey: A Bay … [...]

  38. [...] uzvarēt play-offu pirmo spēli. Otro spēli gan viņi zaudēja. Te nu ir stāsts par to, kas notika pēc otrās spēles Goldensteitas ģērbtuvēs: Nellie: Now who can tell me what we need to do differently in Game [...]

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