The First Annual Say Hey Awards

January 5, 2008

So apparently, the cool thing to do on the interblognets around the turn of the calendar year is to look back on the year that was. Thus, we’re proud to present the first annual Say Heys, est. 1959.

The “One Shining Moment” Award for the Best Montage: the new pre-game introduction video at the Warriors games

The 2 Girls, 1 Cup Award for the Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: 756!

The Max Power Award for Best Nickname: Stephen Jackson, aka Captain Jack

The Baron Davis Award for the Best Beard: Baron Davis

The Rod Beck Award for Most Lovable Giants Pitcher: Matt Cain

The Atlee Hammaker/Salomon Torres Award for the Most _____ Giants Pitcher: Barry Zito (Runner-up, somehow: Trent Dilfer)

The Teri Schiavo Award for the Most Overexposed Vegetable: Barry Bonds

Read the rest of this entry »


The Bay Area Did Not Win A Professional Sporting Contest In October

November 5, 2007

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. After this past summer of painful baseball at Pac Bell and the Coliseum, we really didn’t think it could get worse.

We were wrong.

During the month of October, not one sports team in the 415 or 510 area code won a single game. (And November ain’t off to such a hot start either.)

  • A’s: n/a
  • Giants: n/a
  • Warriors: 0-3.
  • 49ers: 0-4.
  • Raiders: 0-4.
  • For the heck of it, we’ll even toss in Cal football: 0-3.

Conclusion: it’s time for the San Francisco Rumble and the ABA. That, or hockey.


Our Friend JP, Still At It

September 12, 2007

What’s good people?

As seen above, our boy JP over at FRiSCOFiTTEDTV has continued to pump out those game recaps. He actually has a lot of valiant points, and because we want him to succeed, we’d like to offer some words of advice for our aspiring mini-Gary Radnich.

1. These are the Youtubes. Five minutes is way too long for the A.D.H.D.-riddled folks that are trying their best to escape their meaningless lives while surfing about the interwebs. Take a cue from the master: keep the clips concise, direct and pithy.

2. Turn up the volume on the commentary. We can barely hear you speak, especially after the music.

3. Keep rocking the fly gear, especially the throwbacks. [Sidenote: we still cannot get over how awesome the Niners' throwbacks looked on Monday.]

4. Keep the highlights.

5. When in a news lull, it never hurts to reveal what happens behind the scenes. In fact, you should maybe even purchase some wood paneling.


Niners Roundup: A Non-Loss!

September 11, 2007

  • Your San Francisco 49ers proved they were merely the second-worst team on the field last night, not losing to the Arizona Cardinals 20-17. Alex Smith “clearly regressed in form from a year ago.” Arnaz Battle fumbled the ball in his own end zone in the last minute (luckily it was recovered by the Niners). The Cardinals scored on their penultimate drive, largely in part to SF free safety Mark Roman’s “inexplicable” taunting penalty that moved the ball from the Niners’ 30 to the 5, eventually leading to a Cardinals’ score. Frank Gore only had 55 yards on 18 carries. Vernon Davis “could not handle the only pass thrown to him.” [SFGate]
  • ESPN Radio just said that Patrick Willis will be the Defensive Rookie of the Year.
  • The cherry-red throwbacks looked awesome.
  • As brutal as Alex Smith was throughout the game, he did pull it together on that last drive. Small victories. Plus, a win is a win. [Niners Nation]
  • Niners Turf describes the game as “watching two teams slog ineffectually toward nothing in particular” and a “Raider highlight film from 2004.” [Niners Turf]
  • Just how did offensive coordinator Jim Hostler know that the end-around game winning touchdown would work? And whatever happened to Jeff Hostetler? [Hashmarks]
  • There was another Bill Walsh tribute during halftime. [SFGate]
  • Gwen Knapp says that as Frank Gore goes, so go the 49ers. [SFGate]
  • You should really check out Will Leitch’s live blogging of last night’s game. [Deadspin]

Got a Niners’ blog that should be on our radar? Send it on over.

[Photo courtesy: AP Photo/Dino Vournas]


It Starts.

September 6, 2007

http://files.turbosquid.com/Preview/Content_on_1_23_2006_13_56_16/NFL_View_4.jpg81c64575-66ba-4053-9c6a-d2635585fd2eLarge.jpg

Tonight, the Indianapolis Colts and New Orleans Saints square off to kick off the 2007 NFL season, and we still haven’t done much football previewing, so here are some thoughts on what we see happening in the upcoming season. Feel free to contribute your own predictions, because we’re fairly certain none of ours will come to fruition. Except the last one.

  • The Niners go 9-7. They start out as a mediocre team struggling with high expectations, but are bolstered by a cupcake second-half that sees them finishing up their schedule against Minnesota (who, Tampa, Cincinnati (who will disappoint this year) and Cleveland (who disappoints every year).
  • The Niners don’t get swept in a season series against a division foe, thus enabling them to sneak into the playoffs.The image “http://www.etruth.com/media/NewsPhotos/25826_websm.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.
  • The aforementioned playoff clincher comes in the snow-filled finale against the Cleveland Browns and Brady Quinn (right). Despite looking fabulous, Quinn tosses three interceptions and gets booed off the Cleveland field. Also, a double-A battery hits him in the head on his way out. He isn’t wearing a helmet because he’s got to showcase that beautiful head of hair.
  • Frank Gore fumbles seven times, but still rushes for 1500 yards and proves that he is, in fact, the only African-American Greek god (though we’ve got a sneaking suspicion about Demeter). Gore spends his offseason residing on Olympus.
  • Alex Smith does his best Rex Grossman impression, but despite his efforts, the Niners still win a couple games. He has the lowest QB rating of any QB in the playoffs.
  • Vernon Davis writes an email to us, saying he would rather not be referred to as “VD.” He leads the league in receiving yards for a tight end at the halfway mark, but is actually beaten to death by Mike Nolan after his fourth 15-yard celebration penalty in as many games.
  • The defense is the pleasant surprise of the year: still not perfect but much improved. Patrick Willis and Manny Lawson prove that they will be the foundations for the next generation.
  • That East Bay team sucks again.
  • Speaking of that East Bay team, their first round pick–whatever his name is–doesn’t done a silver helmet with a cartoon face on it all season. He does, however, wear a fur coat on the private plane that he bought with the money he got from his imaginary contract. But my, does he look stunning!
  • ESPN takes care to mention Mike Nolan’s suit every. single. time.
  • Dianne Feinstein saves the San Francisco 49ers from moving to Santa Clara, prompting Say Hey to run a post that says she deserves a parade for being one of the best Niner fans out there.
  • Bill Walsh is sorely missed.

And That’s The Preseason. Finally.

August 31, 2007

http://media.sacbee.com/smedia/2007/06/11/21/680-2S12NEWNOLAN.highlight.prod_affiliate.4.JPGThank god the preseason is over. With the preseason too long to begin with as it is, the 2007 version could not end soon enough. Let’s get this thing started and turn the page from the 49ers’ woeful August.

The 49ers looked terrible once again in last night’s 16-13 loss to the San Diego Chargers.

In particular, it was another ugly performance by Alex Smith; in almost two quarters of play, he compiled a 6.2 passer rating (23 yards, interception, fumble, one first down).

Vernon Davis, meanwhile, mocked Shawne Merriman’s “sack dance” after a reception, garnering boos from the crowd and groans from Niners fans with still-fresh memories of TO.

To make matters even worse, The Brain Trust Behind YouTube Sports didn’t even pick the Niners to make the Super Bowl. He did, however, spend all damn day putting quarters into the little machines at the local Kentucky Safeway, trying desperately to get the correct mini-helmets. Excellent props, Kige. Shake those helmets! It means you’re serious!

[Sidenote on our man-crush on Kige Ramsey: if you haven't done so, you should probably check out his blog. He writes like he speaks. According to his Monday post, Alberto Gonzalez was forced out by the liberals (aka left-wing mo-rons) in Congress!]


Monday Bloody Monday: Niners’ Loss Leaves Optimism Behind (Hopefully)

August 27, 2007

http://www.fogcityjournal.com/images/photos/49ers_061109/96nflsf49ers.jpgWith an embarrassing performance from the starting unit, the 49ers may have realized that being the sexy preseason sleeper team doesn’t mean that you’re good yet.

Ever since the experts anointed the 49ers as the team most expect to make “the jump” this year, we’ve been worried that it’s inevitable that the 49ers will disappoint. [Note: we have similar trepidation about the upcoming Warriors' season as well. We're worriers. More on the W's later in the week.]

The Niners are young. They are talented, but despite Mike Nolan’s warnings, it’s easy to see the young kids get overconfident with all the positive buzz surrounding the upcoming season. Hopefully, Saturday’s dismal first half by the starters will turn on some lightbulbs.

To recap the lows:

  • The defense allowed 31 points … in the first halfto Rex “The Sex Cannon” Grossman, who was last seen being extraordinarily mediocre in the Super Bowl, fumbling away the Bears’ championship hopes.
  • Alex Smith completed two–two!–passes for ten–ten!–entire yards in the first half.
  • Star running back Frank Gore will go into the first game of the season without any real contact. Oh, and he already has a fumbling problem.
  • If the preseason is any indication, Frank Gore has no viable backup. Gore’s current injury should be a closed book in a week or two, but in the NFL, injuries are almost a given (especially with Gore’s injury history), and the running game has been dismal without Frank-Geezy. Throw in the fact that the Niners appear to be a run-centric team, and you’ve got a developing situation.
  • Just how much will the Niners miss Norv Turner? If the preseason is any indication (which it very well might not be), they will miss him a lot.

In a lot of ways, we wish the media would be centering their attention and Cinderella tales around the Arizona Cardinals or the Detroit Lions. But what’s done is done. The kids better start to realize that wins are not like media passes or attention deficit disorder; you have to earn wins.


Niners Roundup: Musical Edition?

August 24, 2007
  • Say Hey favorite Patrick Willis performed a James Brown impression, presumably at the behest of his veteran teammates. [The FanHouse]
  • Willis isn’t the only young linebacker looking to have a breakout campaign. Meet second-year pro Manny Lawson. [SFGate]
  • Bryant Young has learned to play the bass guitar. That is all. [SFGate]
  • Everything you ever wanted to know about Justin Smiley and the 49ers’ offensive line, by the always-excellent Matt Maiocco. [Instant 49ers]
  • Would you rather the Niners be a perennial favorite, a sexy pick, a Cinderella team or none of the above, the Arizona Cardinals? [Niners Nation]
  • The FanHouse’s 49ers preview thinks Nolan’s boys will indeed take the leap this year, compete for the division title, but end up with a wild card. Also, there is gratuitous video. Gratuity is fun, except when it’s not for you. [The FanHouse]
  • According to Will Carroll, Sports Illustrated‘s injury expert, Frank Gore’s broken hand will be a “non-issue.” [SI, last item]
  • Vernon Davis just might be the next great tight end … in fantasy football. [ESPN Insider]

Around the rest of the NFL:

  • Michael Vick’s plea: could get five years. [The FanHouse]
  • By the way, the San Diego Chargers have a pretty good front office. Remember when they passed on Vick and took some guy named LaDainian? [Epic Carnival]
  • Virginia Tech isn’t going to rename Michael Vick Hall, despite the saturation of brand-name lozenges. [Deadspin]
  • Warren Sapp: ever the entertainer. [Larry Brown Sports, via 100%]
  • That Jason Campbell hit, broken down. Frame. By. Frame. [Post Game Heroes]
  • Tom Brady is now a baby-daddy! [KSK]
  • This is college football, not NFL, but … ow. [With Leather]

Got links? Share ‘em…


Welcome To The Patrick Willis Era

August 22, 2007

http://orig.jacksonsun.com/photogallery/20061216patrickwillis/images/A-Willis_92506_AM.jpg

 

Frank Gore: move over.

Alex Smith: to the left, to the left.

Arnaz Battle: don’t even think about it.

This is now Patrick Willis’ team.

Yeah, that’s right, we’re hopping on the bandwagon of the draftee we previously dubbed God Junior. Thanks to Willis’ stellar preseason (and, judging by the photo above, his really intense stare), Coach Nolan announced that Willis will not only be in the starting lineup, but the move will essentially bench Brandon Moore, “the team’s leading tackler last year and by all rights its best defensive player”:

Nolan said the moves were “due to what the rookie has done and not so much what Brandon has done. Brandon has been an integral part of our football team and he’ll remain that.”

From the start of camp, Willis (6-foot-1, 242 pounds) has shown his coaches and teammates why he was named the nation’s top collegiate linebacker and defensive player of the year in the Southeastern Conference.

“He’s very instinctive, very athletic,” Nolan said. “He covers a lot of ground.” Plus, the coach said, because of Willis’ speed and nose for the ball, he has the ability “to make something out of nothing” when the defense breaks down.

Since the move essentially affects four players, Nolan wanted to make it as soon as possible, for continuity’s sake. The veteran players are understandably disappointed with their benching, but Moore will still get some playing time from the defensive end position in passing situations, so all is not lost for B-Mo.

As for the baby linebacker beast, Willis will also benefit from having one of the NFL’s best linebackers in history, Mike Singletary, on the Niners’ coaching staff. The rook’s already got many of physical attributes and instincts needed to become great; with a little instruction and experience, the sky is the limit.

So, welcome to the Patrick Willis Era.

Shuffle At Linebacker [SFGate]

[Photo courtesy: The Jackson Sun]


Monday Bloody Monday: Are YOU Ready For Some Football Athletic Contests?

August 20, 2007
  • 49ers mascot Sourdough Sam 1, Raiders gorilla thing 0. Silly gorilla, the field area is just for real mascots.
  • Unlike the past several seasons, this year’s Niners squad has plenty of depth, which in turn is creating loads of competition for starting slots and roster spots. Of course, this development pleases Mike Nolan. Along with the o-line, the wide receivers have the sharpest competition ahead of them. Arnaz Battle and Darrell Jackson are pretty much engraved into the starting lineup, but there are five guys behind them competing for three (possibly four) spots. Ashley Lelie and Bryan Gilmore looked the best on Saturday, but one of them has a girl’s name and the other should spell his first name with an “i.” Taylor Jacobs, despite having two first names, has had the best training camp. Toss in a pair of high draft picks you probably don’t want to give up on just yet (second-year man Brandon Williams and rookie Jason Hill), and you’ve got quite the pickle. [SFGate]
  • Speaking of Mr. Lelie, he probably shouldn’t have tried to eke more money out of the Broncos back in 2006. [The FanHouse]
  • Meanwhile, the aforementioned o-line competition is heating up, with a rookie looming large. Get it, large? Linemen? Nevermind. [Inside Bay Area]
  • One of the best features on the official 49ers site is “Nolan’s Notebook,” a frequently updated, expansive Q&A article that has the coach answering all the teams’ hot button issues. [Official Site]
  • A quick analysis of the game expresses some worry over the defense. [Niners Nation]
  • Alex Smith is going to be very, very good. Small hands, be damned. [Mercury News]
  • There’s reason for optimism in the Bay. Cautious optimism, but still. [Fear the Beard]
  • John Clayton thinks the 49ers feel the same way. [ESPN]
  • Anyone remember the 49ers’ new helmet design in 1991 that was scrapped almost immediately? [Uni Watch]

Around the rest of the National Football League:

  • Serra boy Tom Brady gets photoshopped … and to all those involved, we give you the slow clap from Cool Runnings. [Fark, via KSK]
  • The All-Bust Team. Oh, Robert Gallery. [The Angry T]
  • Kenny Chesney and Peyton Manning Drew Brees!, sittin’ in a tree … [100% Injury Rate]
  • Pacman Jones is suspended for the year, so he’s making a rap album. Well, duh. [Deadspin]
  • Adrian Peterson = Rookie of the Year? [KSK]
  • And on a lighter note, Michael Vick’s 53 abandoned dogs will probably have to be euthanized. That’s totally going to help Vick’s public image.  And his eternal damnation. [The FanHouse]

Nostalgia: Whatever Happened To … Iheanyi Uwaezuoke?

August 19, 2007

http://www.impeccablecollectibles.com/images/100115a165.jpgDuring the late 90s, behind the Rice-Owens-Stokes triumvirate lurked one Iheanyi Uwaezuoke.

Iheanyi Uwaezuoke, pronounced e-HaN-yee ooh-WAYZ-o-KAY (it was great when Sportscenter anchors had to try to pronounce it off the teleprompter), was the 49ers’ fifth round draft pick in 1996. In some ways, Uwauzuoke was a local boy, playing his college ball at Cal (and he had quite the stellar career at Berkeley), but in other ways–like being born in Nigeria–he really wasn’t that much of a local boy.

To this day, Uwaezuoke might hold rights to the worst debut in Niners history. In his first game, the rookie dropped the first pass that came his way, then dropped the first two punts that came his way, and to top it all off, he injured his shoulder and wound up on the injured list. Suffice to say, it was not a good first day in the office.

In two and a half seasons with the Niners, Uwaezuoke compiled 24 receptions for 323 yards. He was picked up by the Miami Dolphins during the 1998 season, and rounded out his career with Detroit and Carolina in the 1999 and 2000 seasons, respectively, though the majority of his playing time came on special teams. In 2000, he found his way back to the Bay and tried to land a spot on the Oakland Raiders’ roster, but that didn’t quite work out.

In retrospect, Uwaezuoke was a very speedy receiver/returner–probably the best deep threat on those teams–who really was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, considering he was behind a Hall-of-Famer (Jerry Rice), an up-and-coming superstar (Terrell Owens) and a big-name high draft pick (JJ Stokes).

We’re not sure of his post-retirement whereabouts, so if anyone has any info, feel free to share.


Clip Of The Day: Ode To The Broncos

August 13, 2007

Since there were no Giants games over the weekend (there weren’t), here’s one more football post.

Tonight: 49ers v. Broncos at Bill Walsh Field, 5pm West Coast time, ESPN

[Sidenote: the Giants couldn't really get swept in a five-game, bicoastal series against the worst team in the league, could they?]


Finally, The Bay Area’s Answer To Kige Ramsey

August 13, 2007

It’s absolutely no secret around these parts that we are huge fans of YouTube “sports reporter” and internet sensation Kige Ramsey. Kige is well-renowned for his succinct takes, his myriad Titans jerseys and wood paneling backdrop. He’s even known to take his show on the road to Wal-Mart. In order to prove a later point, we offer some vintage Kige:

It’s with Kige in mind that we present the interwebs’ newest star, JP. While watching (he’s a low talker so you’ll have to turn up the volume a bit), note the following touches of Bay Area essence/brilliance: underground rap music soundtrack, cherry red jersey, matching 49ers hat askew, menagerie of childhood trophies in the background and the eloquent references to “sucka Cowboy fans”:

Hopefully this made you as happy as it did us. We are more excited about the upcoming NFL season that ever. Here’s looking forward to more reports from the interwebs.

FRiSCOFiTTEDTV [YouTube]


Dianne Feinstein’s Bill Walsh Tribute

August 13, 2007

As most of you know, Friday’s public memorial service at the ‘Stick marked the final leg–and, some would say, the climax–of the various Bill Walsh tributes. A bevy of friends, colleagues and former athletes spoke. Mayor Gavin Newsom christened Bill Walsh Field. Denny Green gave an emotional speech. Joe Montana, Steve Young and Eddie D (among others) all spoke as well.

But for us, the most memorable, moving speaker was, by far, Senator Dianne Feinstein. Her speech gave us shivers. With the hope that you’ll enjoy it, we’ve transcribed it:

Hello 49er fans.

Many of you are too young to remember 1978, 1979, even 1980. San Francisco was broken. The mayor had been assassinated. A member of the Board of Supervisors had been assassinated, and all by another supervisor. Jonestown took place, and 900 San Franciscans went to the jungles of Guyana and ended up drinking cyanide-laced Koolaid. AIDS was first discovered in this city. The days were dark. The wind was strong. And the fog was deep.

We took an interest in this new man from Youngstown, who had come to the city, Eddie DeBartolo, and a new–[applause]

[To Eddie] Stand up, Take a bow

He owned the team. He hired a new coach. That coach was Bill Walsh.

I was then mayor. I began to come to the games, watch through my binoculars from up there. I saw this tall man, impeccable gray hair, white sweater, 49er logo, the consummate chessman, and a team was born. And a team came alive!

And that 1981 season, I was sitting up there with my husband and we saw Joe step back–[turning to Joe Montana] actually we thought you were off-balance–but it was in the waning seconds of the game and we had to win it. And the pass was lofted to right there, and we saw Dwight Clark spiral up, and a legend was born.

We went to the Silverdome. We came back victorious. Oh, what that meant for this city to win something! To do something right, to come back victorious.

I remember then, we had trepidation, because of the dark days. Eddie, his wife Candy, the wonderful Geri walsh, her husband Bill, my husband. We had a parade and the 49ers were in cable cars. There were three of them, festooned with balloons, and we were in a yellow 1932 convertible: Bill, me in the middle, Eddie on the left, sitting on the rim.

And no one was there.

And we thought, nobody cared. We began to move from the Embarcadero down through Market Street, and all of a sudden, tens of thousands of people emerged! People were sitting on car tops, hanging from lamp poles, sticking out of windows and then the crowd swelled to hundreds of thousands of people, til it was estimated one million people came to the streets to greet this great, victorious team.

And names like montana and rice and lott and on and on became household legends and legends fueled a great dynasty.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was the San Francisco 49ers during the 1980s. And what they did for this city, what they did for this city. When Joe left, Steve continued. But what they did for this city was move us together, say yes we can do somthing right; yes we can come together across race, creed, color, social status, all of it and we can be proud of who we are. That’s the great gift that the San Francisc 49ers provided in the dark days of the 1908s.

And for this, the leader was the Grey Fox himself, Bill Walsh. So to Bill Walsh today, on Bill Walsh Field, we say: we will always remember, we thank you for the gift of hope and opportunity you restored to this great city.

San Francisco 49ers, you are a great team and you will see glory days again! Thank you very much!

Via mp3, you can listen to the entire memorial, plus interviews with the key players, at KNBR.

Monster Park field named for Walsh at public memorial for coach [SFGate]


“A Magnificent Family Reunion As His Final Farewell”

August 10, 2007

Yesterday, family members, Niners kin and scores of NFL greats gathered at Stanford Memorial Church to undertake Bill Walsh’s final play call: his funeral.

Like so many well-executed game plans from his coaching career, Walsh’s funeral was pre-planned by the coaching great with great meticulousness and well, success.

Rather than recount the ceremony second-handedly and list off the myriad names of the “cavalcade of 49ers and NFL greats,” we’re just going to recommend that you read Nancy Gay’s touching recap.

Today at 11am, a public Bill Walsh Memorial Service will take place at Candlestick. Admission and parking are free; gates open at 10am. If you can’t make it, it will be broadcast on KRON and the NFL Network, as well as over the radio/internet (KNBR).

Nancy Gay On the NFL Remembering Bill Walsh: A fond farewell [SFGate]

[Photo courtesy: SFGate/Lacy Atkins]


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