In response to this guy’s very nice list of hated college basketball players, we decided to make our own list of the young men whose presence on the hardwood has profoundly affected our own lives in negative fashions. So, without much ado, here’s our list. Who did we miss?
15. Ray Jackson, Michigan: He gets a little bit of a hall pass because he was a member of the Fab Five, but he was the only one not to make it to the NBA. Totally coasted. Freeloader. Plus that Michigan team was solely responsible for the phasing out of John Stockton shorts.
14. Taylor Coppenrath, Vermont: It’s usually unusual (huh?) for a basketball player to be considered pretentious. Coppenrath was the epitome of New England snobbery. We’re pretty sure that after the game, he slipped into some searsuckers and a pair of loafers and boarded a private jet to his family’s place on Nantucket. If that’s not enough for you, check out his website. There’s still room at Coppenrath Camp! Hurry and sign up!
The rest after the jump …
13. Charles O’Bannon, UCLA: Always trying to be like Ed. And he wasn’t even left-handed. You know you’re in trouble when people say your career couldn’t compare to Ed O’Bannon’s.
12. Tim Young, Stanford: One of the original big white stiffs, Young was the annual media darling in the Bay Area. Seven foot lefty with great hands and build. And zero toughness and heart.
11. Eric Williams, Wake Forest: Living proof that steroids won’t make you rich and famous and good at sports, Williams was that guy who yelled and pounded his chest, King Kong style, after every single made basket.
9.-10. Khalid El-Amin, UConn & Mateen Cleaves, Michigan St: Back to back tournament MVPs, these two fat point guards were scrappy and full of heart. Couldn’t shoot, couldn’t run, but were surrounded by players better than themselves. Their talent became evident once they reached the NBA and evolved into some of the best cheerleaders the league has ever seen.
8. Kevin Pittsnogle, West Virginia: We get it. You’re quirky and have tattoos. Congrats on the wedding though.
7. Joakim Noah, Florida: We’re pretty certain that Noah will be ranked higher in about two weeks.
6. Adam Morrison, Gonzaga: America’s favorite crybaby, Morrison’s sensitive and hippy style came to a halt during last year’s UCLA game. If UCLA had somehow lost that game, Morrison skyrockets on this list. But losers are hard to hate, you know?
5. Victor Page, Georgetown: We ordered an Allen Iverson (#3) Georgetown jersey from Eastbay during the 1996 season but the idiots sent us Page’s #44 jersey. That’s why they have that disclaimer that actual jersey number may vary. Jerks. Bonus info: After Gtown, Page was shot in the eye and now wears an eyepatch and plays with the eyepatch!
4. Michael Fey, UCLA: Speaking of left-handed wastes of space, Fey always walked around campus like he owned the place. He also set the Pac-10 record for missed dunks during his four years at UCLA. Would be higher, save the fact that he hung around the
coolest guy on campus backup shooting guard, Brian Morrison.
2.-3. Brian Scalabrine & David Bluthenthal, USC: How did these guys beat UCLA as often as they did? Scalabrine was an automatic dislike, just based on appearance. Bluthenthal, on the other hand, killed the Bruins with buzzer beaters at least twice, and pronouncing his last name makes you sound like you’re mentally disabled.
1. Rico Hines, UCLA: Was the third-string point guard for all eight of years at Westwood. Averaged a career-high 1.1 point per game during his (last) senior year. Single-handedly responsible for several losses during the games he played in due to other players’ injuries. Little known fact: his real name is DaRico. Really. We can’t make this up.