UCLA :: Jerry: The central character in the show, Jerry/UCLA is the one that ties everything together. Being incredibly successful, it is the standard by which all other comedians/programs (college and television) are judged. Jerry’s tight jeans and collared shirt are as dependable as the powder and yellow Bruin jerseys. Classy, simple, understated, unemotional. How can anyone not like them?!
Oregon :: Elaine: Approaches Jerry/UCLA in terms of sheer funniness/victories, but unlike them, Oregon/Elaine has the undeniable ability to get hot very quickly. The streakiness can be a blessing or a disguise, especially in times when “Dancing” is required. Can be proven to be overrated if stuck in slow tempo game/shvitz for hours at a time. Beware a “little kick” in the Dance, Oregon. Little kicks can result from having “a rather bulbous head.”
Worlds continue to collide as the old man tries to send back soup in the deli …
Arizona :: George: Somehow gets blessed with amazing fortune, be it an influx of top-flight recruits or a steady stream of working for the Yankees and going on dates with Marisa Tomei, Arizona/George always seems to fuck it up. Everything’s perfectly in line, but just doesn’t seem to work out. Maybe if Arizona does the opposite of everything, their luck will change. Like start recruiting some big men instead of just their famed guards.
Washington State :: Kramer: A little kooky from being so far away from civilization (literally and figuratively), Wazzu/Kramer manages to succeed at what they do, dictating the tempo to play lock-down defense and physical comedy. They are a little hippy-ish and well, a school whose name is shortened to “Wazzu” just has to go with Cosmo, right? Plus, neither is, um, big on black people:
USC :: Newman: Arch-nemesis of UCLA/Jerry, USC/Newman is the incessant bugger who is never consistently in the main cast/elite class. Sometimes, they play prominent roles in the scheme of things, while at other times, they fade into oblivion. Home to many a scandalous scheme as well.
Stanford :: The Original Morty Seinfeld: A different actor played Morty in the character’s first appearance, but unfortunately, Phil Bruns appeared just once as Morty before getting replaced by the Morty we know and love. After that, it was a quick exit for Phil, something with which Stanford can identify.