The Beard Will Soon Conquer The Third World


Our little Warriors set the sports world abuzz last night with a huge win over the Mavs.

So much has already been said on the internets about the huge win, from ESPN to Golden State of Mind, so we’re going to try to contribute some original thoughts about last night’s athletic contest. Yes, we already know that Nellie is in Avery’s dome, Dirk had a terrible game and The Beard is the man. Here are a couple more things to ponder:

  • Did anyone else notice Dirk on the bench? At the end of the first quarter, he took a seat next to Erick Dampier and immediately started complaining and waving his hands around in a flurry. Meanwhile, Dampier (looking stoned as usual) totally just ignored his teammate, staring forward into space like a rhino in a zoo. It was hilarious. Crazy German complains to giant black man who would rather not listen. Also, did anyone notice the little white guy on the Mavs’ bench? Is he Dirk’s buddy? Can we name him Fritz?
  • One of the best stats from last night’s broadcast was the revelation that the Warriors were third in the NBA in blocked shots. This stat really speaks to the athleticism of the Warriors’ swing guys. In Baron, J-Rich, Barnesy and Jax, the Warriors have a bunch of guys who are matchup nightmares for their smaller counterparts, as Jason Terry and Devin Harris found out. Also helpful: the aforementioned quartet is pretty ugly:


  • It took us a couple double takes, but Matt Barnes sported a mohawk. The weird thing is that he looked neither scary nor goofy. He looked like some Southern California indie-rock guy who hangs out with white surfer dudes. So, basically the black guy from No Doubt.
  • The most amusing parts of the telecast were the shots of a degenerating Mark Cuban throughout the game. His emotions ranged from fiery (standing up, screaming at the refs) to petulant (pouting in his chair, arms crossed looking like The Beard took his lunch money). We’ve never seen a more disgruntled person. Yes, he’s a great owner and seems like he could be fun to hang out with (and by hang out with, we mean buy us drinks), but he just seems like he should be the ultra-immature bad guy in a lighthearted comedy like Wayne’s World or Billy Madison or something like that. We can’t wait for his blog entry on the game. What a dork. The whole Nellie feud makes it even better.
  • Another moment that hit high on the unintentional comedy scale: J-Rich taking out Devin Harris. Harris was on the ground, unmoving. He looked on the verge of tears, prompting Dallas to take a timeout and a fatherly Avery Johnson to run over to the fallen Maverick … only to have Harris pop and say “I’m OK, I’m OK.” Avery’s look was priceless: “Now why the hell did you make me take a timeout, kid?” It reminded us of that kid in grammar school who feigned injury whenever he lost.
  • How is “Diop” pronounced “Jop”? Oh, those crazy Senegalese
  • Excellent article titled “It’s as simple as, the Warriors own Dallas” from Tim Kawakami, who apparently doesn’t believe in downplaying the Game One victory.

[Photo courtesy: ESPN/AP]


3 Responses to The Beard Will Soon Conquer The Third World

  1. Francis says:

    Also, Mark Cuban’s sidekick was also fun to watch as he mimicked Cuban. It reminded me of how my Mom used to say everything Mr. Alcaraz would say during SI BB. Oh the good old days of sitting on the bench and watching our fans cheer for the players on the field.

  2. B says:

    I hear the Oracle is giving gold t-shirts out to the crowd for games 3 and 4. Thoughts?

  3. Paolo says:

    Gold t-shirts huh? I’m into it. The Oracle is going to be crazy this weekend.

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