Following 756* (which also included a Giants loss), Manager Bruce Bochy gathered his physically exhausted and emotionally weary team around for a post-game meeting. Of course, Barry Bonds had left the stadium hours earlier.
Bruce Bochy: Okay guys, now that that’s out of the way, we can go back to concentrating on baseball. The chase is finally over. All trade speculation is over. The insane media presence is–
[Pedro Gomez, with torn dress shirt and dirty face, stumbles in the locker room]
Pedro Gomez [out of breath]: Oh thank god you guys are still here! My Lincoln Continental broke down in Oakland and I had to run across the bridge!
Pedro Gomez [gaining his composure]: So, what’d I miss?
Bruce Bochy: Correia, get him out of here. Players only!
[Kevin Correia shoves Gomez out of the locker room. He heads to sit back down but Bochy stops him.]
Bruce Bochy [sternly]: Players. Only.
[Correia puts his head down and leaves the room too.]
Bruce Bochy: Like I was saying, we still have plenty to play for. Let’s continue to work on the little things. Let’s set and accomplish team goals and individual goals. We may be out of the playoff race but–
Bengie Molina [still wearing chest protector]: Whatchu talkin’ bout mayn?! We got this! We can still make the playoffs!!
Bruce Bochy: Now calm down, Bengie. I know you’re an intense guy, but relax for a sec. The game ended like three hours ago.
Bengie Molina: Aw hell naw! We got no fire on this team! This is the laziest team I’ve ever been on! Our star player left the stadium before the game was over! And look at Richie over there! The motherfucker’s takin’ a nap!
Rich Aurilia [hat over his eyes, grumpy, half-asleep]: Ssshhh Bengie. It’s late. I can’t sleep with all this commotion.
Barry Zito [guitar in hand]: Hey guys, I know just the thing to cheer everyone up: a song!
Bruce Bochy: That won’t be necessary, Zeets.
Barry Zito: No, it’s ok! I don’t mind! It’s the least I can do!
[Everyone groans again.]
Barry Zito [strumming and singing]: ♫ Free love on the free love freeway … The love is free and the freeway’s long … I got some hot love on the hot-love freeway … I ain’t going home cos’ my baby’s gone ♫
Tim Lincecum [chiming in]: ♫ She’s deeeeaaaaad. ♫
Barry Zito [still strumming]: She’s not dead.
Bruce Bochy [swiping guitar]: That’s enough. Now, does anyone besides Bengie have anything to say about the rest of the season?
[Ryan Klesko raises his hand.]
Ryan Klesko: Do you think Erin Andrews really wants to go surfing with me? Or was she just saying that?
Bruce Bochy: Meeting dismissed.