The above legal document–which comes to us via The Smoking Gun–is the August 13th federal lawsuit filed by Jonathan Lee Riches in the U.S. District Court in Indiana. Some of you may remember Riches from his earlier lawsuit against Michael Vick, in which he sued the troubled Falcon for $63 billion (and claimed that Vick stole his pit bulls, sold them on eBay and bought missiles from Iran with the dough).
The entire four-page document is hand-written because Riches is not allowed to have a typewriter in his South Carolina prison.
Before we present it in all its glory (it’s a must-read), here are some of our favorite gems from the actual lawsuit (spelling mistakes abound):
- “Plaintiff seeks 42,000,000.00 million dollars in Swiss Francs, certified money order to the B.O.P. lockbox in Des Moines Iowa collectively from defendents.”
- “Mr. Selig on 2 occations (Dec. 10th 2001, Feb 6th, 2003) met Mr. Bonds at the I-70 Steak N Shake, Booth #11, made an under the table cream exchange, needles, HGH…”
- “Barry Bonds uses Hank Aaron’s corked bat during ballgames. The Bat has a secret chambers where barry stores his HGH supplements. Bonds takes them while he awaits in the batters Box. Bonds Left a voice mail message on my I-phone, made threats towards me.”
- “Barry Bonds is responsible for getting me federally indicted in Houston Texas case #H-03-90, because I threatned to expose his and Bud Selig’s steroid/cocaine ABUSE.”
- “I also witnessed Mr. Bonds selling steroids to nuns.”
- “Mr. Bonds gave mustard gas to Saddam Hussein. Part of the oil for food scandal.”
The entire treat, post-jump.
America is a great place, isn’t it?