The First Annual Say Hey Awards

January 5, 2008

So apparently, the cool thing to do on the interblognets around the turn of the calendar year is to look back on the year that was. Thus, we’re proud to present the first annual Say Heys, est. 1959.

The “One Shining Moment” Award for the Best Montage: the new pre-game introduction video at the Warriors games

The 2 Girls, 1 Cup Award for the Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: 756!

The Max Power Award for Best Nickname: Stephen Jackson, aka Captain Jack

The Baron Davis Award for the Best Beard: Baron Davis

The Rod Beck Award for Most Lovable Giants Pitcher: Matt Cain

The Atlee Hammaker/Salomon Torres Award for the Most _____ Giants Pitcher: Barry Zito (Runner-up, somehow: Trent Dilfer)

The Teri Schiavo Award for the Most Overexposed Vegetable: Barry Bonds

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The Bay Area Did Not Win A Professional Sporting Contest In October

November 5, 2007

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. After this past summer of painful baseball at Pac Bell and the Coliseum, we really didn’t think it could get worse.

We were wrong.

During the month of October, not one sports team in the 415 or 510 area code won a single game. (And November ain’t off to such a hot start either.)

  • A’s: n/a
  • Giants: n/a
  • Warriors: 0-3.
  • 49ers: 0-4.
  • Raiders: 0-4.
  • For the heck of it, we’ll even toss in Cal football: 0-3.

Conclusion: it’s time for the San Francisco Rumble and the ABA. That, or hockey.

An Open Letter To The Warriors

November 1, 2007

We’re not sure if anyone’s still here, but hopefully you’ve dialed into the RSS feed and are back, like us.

Dearest Golden State Warriors,

We love you. Really, we do. Since the dark days of Terry Teagle, we’ve been by your side, and truth be told, we’re probably never going to hop off the bandwagon.

But please don’t fuck up this year.

The Bay Area just wouldn’t be able to take it. You see, we’ve had quite a bit of suffering since you saw us last spring. When you got bounced from the playoffs in April—we’re sick of the Jazz too, by the way—the Bay Area sports scene was a totally different beast. The Giants were struggling a bit in the early going, but everyone thought it would just be a matter of time before Barry Zito got back on track and Barry Bonds broke the record. We had no idea how painful the baseball season would turn out.

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Scottie Pippen To Play Again … In Finland. The Country.

September 20, 2007

We know that this isn’t exactly related to the Bay Area, but since we A) are in a Euro basketball mood and B) love all things Finnish, we couldn’t resist: 41-year-old Scottie Pippen is going to play professionally for Finland’s Helsinki-based ToPo team:

Former Chicago Bulls player Scottie Pippen is close to signing a two match deal with Finland’s Torpan Pojat (ToPo), the team said on Thursday.

The plan is that Pippen, a six-time NBA champion and now 41 years old, would play in ToPo in December or January.

“We are discussing details now, such as when and in which matches he will play,” ToPo’s general manager Aleksi Valavuori said.

“He would be the best player ever to have played in Europe.”

He declined to reveal how much Pippen would be paid for the two matches, but said it was not a six-figure amount in euros.

Geez, Scottie, not even making six-figures? If the photo above is any indication—which it clearly must be—at least the 6’9″ black man will totally fit in there.

Warriors’ Nation Sheds A Single Tear: Sarunas Jasikevicius Is No Longer A Warrior

September 20, 2007

It’s official: the Warriors will place Sarunas Jasikevicius on waivers after agreeing on a buyout with the backup point guard. It’s a shame, because Sarunas never really fit in with the team and seemed like a swell former Communist.

In the end, despite the Warriors’ dire need for a backup point guard, Sarunas’ leadership abilities, Sarunas’ shooting touch and his, ahem, undying enthusiasm (read: excellent cheerleading skills), the Lithuanian guard lacked the athleticism (and perhaps the willingness to throw discipline out the window ) to run in Nellie’s system.

Along with the loss of Adonal Foyle, this means that the Warriors have a serious shortage of towel-wavers.

From the moment he arrived in Oakland, Sarunas has been one of our favorite players (both in seriousness and in jest) so as our farewell to Sarunas, here’s Cabbages showcasing his American Idol skill, singing what can only be the Lithuanian version of Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer.”

What Are The Warriors Doing?

September 10, 2007

girl_with_dunce_cao.jpgOver the weekend, two items of Warriors news got us thinking.

First came the news that a very unhappy Don Nelson headed back to his home in Hawaii after contract negotiations went absolutely nowhere:

Nelson would like to put pressure on the Warriors to move off their one and only offer. That proposal would increase Nelson’s base salary per season from $3.1 million to $5.1 million, but it inserts a team option for the second and final season, meaning Nelson would face a decrease of $1.1 million in guaranteed money.

Then Sarunas Jasikevicius had this to say about his employers:

“I’m really waiting for [Golden State] to trade me. It’s been going on since February, and nothing’s happening. I really don’t understand this franchise, to be honest with you. I know what kind of offers they got for me, and they’re not taking them. I know they’re not planning on using me, so I really don’t understand what they’re trying to do with me. In that league, absolutely nothing depends on me, so I’m sitting by the phone and waiting.”

We agree with Sarunas: the kid can obviously ball (he’s leading the Euro tourney in assists), he’s a star in international ball, has value around the league and doesn’t fit in the Warriors’ system. He’s not going to play here and has a hefty salary, but the front office won’t deal him?

All this comes on the heels of an offseason that also saw Mully and Co. basically risk pissing off Baron (aka their star/meal-ticket) by denying him an extension, fail to acquire a real backup point guard, get nowhere on contract talks with Monta Ellis and/or Andris Biedrins and finally, give up their leading scorer for Brandan Wright. Individually, all these moves (and non-moves) have understandable–even admirable–rationale, but taken as a whole, things could very well implode in the next couple months.

What happens if Nelson walks away? What happens if Baron sulks and/or gets injured? What happens if Monta and Andris become free agents? What happens if Wright is a flop and J-Rich soars in Charlotte?

Are any of these scenarios that implausible? Not really … the W’s are just rolling the dice.

Baron Davis Is Cheating On Diana Taurasi, Thus Denying The World A Super-Point-Guard Baby

September 7, 2007 it comes to athletes blogging, it’s usually hit and miss, not unlike the Giants’ 2007 campaign.

Some athletes’ blogs are unbearably dull (sorry B-Dub; prove us wrong).

Others are a refreshingly interesting look at the trials and tribulations of the season.

Still others are enjoyably whismy.

Now, we don’t pay much attention to the WNBA (sorry), but Diana Taurasi seems to have quite the sense of humor. Writing in good fun, she calls out her buddy Baron Davis on his budding Hollywood relationship with “Desperate Housewife” Teri Hatcher.

Boom Dizzle, you’re breaking my heart!
C’mon. I thought we had something serious. We’re both ballers from SoCal. We kicked it with First Lady Laura Bush at the White House together. We were supposed to have a kid and make her (or him) the best point guard ever – even better than Sue Bird and Magic Johnson put together.
If you’re going to cheat on me, at least keep it in France! Don’t be spotted in at Hollywood hot spots sharing spaghetti!
I’m just playing. Seriously, Baron’s my man. You just better be ready for the season. You’ve got to represent! Be careful. She is Desperate.

This Diana Taurasi is funny! Athletes: they’re just like us!

Oh, and she’s right about the need to represent this upcoming season. After the Giants and A’s disasters, the Niners’ letdown (wait, what?) and the Sharks’ collapse, the Bay just couldn’t handle another disappointment.

You cheatin’ on me, B. Diddy? [Yardbarker]