The First Annual Say Hey Awards

January 5, 2008

So apparently, the cool thing to do on the interblognets around the turn of the calendar year is to look back on the year that was. Thus, we’re proud to present the first annual Say Heys, est. 1959.

The “One Shining Moment” Award for the Best Montage: the new pre-game introduction video at the Warriors games

The 2 Girls, 1 Cup Award for the Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: 756!

The Max Power Award for Best Nickname: Stephen Jackson, aka Captain Jack

The Baron Davis Award for the Best Beard: Baron Davis

The Rod Beck Award for Most Lovable Giants Pitcher: Matt Cain

The Atlee Hammaker/Salomon Torres Award for the Most _____ Giants Pitcher: Barry Zito (Runner-up, somehow: Trent Dilfer)

The Teri Schiavo Award for the Most Overexposed Vegetable: Barry Bonds

Read the rest of this entry »


The Bay Area Did Not Win A Professional Sporting Contest In October

November 5, 2007

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. After this past summer of painful baseball at Pac Bell and the Coliseum, we really didn’t think it could get worse.

We were wrong.

During the month of October, not one sports team in the 415 or 510 area code won a single game. (And November ain’t off to such a hot start either.)

  • A’s: n/a
  • Giants: n/a
  • Warriors: 0-3.
  • 49ers: 0-4.
  • Raiders: 0-4.
  • For the heck of it, we’ll even toss in Cal football: 0-3.

Conclusion: it’s time for the San Francisco Rumble and the ABA. That, or hockey.


Our Friend JP, Still At It

September 12, 2007

What’s good people?

As seen above, our boy JP over at FRiSCOFiTTEDTV has continued to pump out those game recaps. He actually has a lot of valiant points, and because we want him to succeed, we’d like to offer some words of advice for our aspiring mini-Gary Radnich.

1. These are the Youtubes. Five minutes is way too long for the A.D.H.D.-riddled folks that are trying their best to escape their meaningless lives while surfing about the interwebs. Take a cue from the master: keep the clips concise, direct and pithy.

2. Turn up the volume on the commentary. We can barely hear you speak, especially after the music.

3. Keep rocking the fly gear, especially the throwbacks. [Sidenote: we still cannot get over how awesome the Niners’ throwbacks looked on Monday.]

4. Keep the highlights.

5. When in a news lull, it never hurts to reveal what happens behind the scenes. In fact, you should maybe even purchase some wood paneling.


Niners Roundup: A Non-Loss!

September 11, 2007

  • Your San Francisco 49ers proved they were merely the second-worst team on the field last night, not losing to the Arizona Cardinals 20-17. Alex Smith “clearly regressed in form from a year ago.” Arnaz Battle fumbled the ball in his own end zone in the last minute (luckily it was recovered by the Niners). The Cardinals scored on their penultimate drive, largely in part to SF free safety Mark Roman’s “inexplicable” taunting penalty that moved the ball from the Niners’ 30 to the 5, eventually leading to a Cardinals’ score. Frank Gore only had 55 yards on 18 carries. Vernon Davis “could not handle the only pass thrown to him.” [SFGate]
  • ESPN Radio just said that Patrick Willis will be the Defensive Rookie of the Year.
  • The cherry-red throwbacks looked awesome.
  • As brutal as Alex Smith was throughout the game, he did pull it together on that last drive. Small victories. Plus, a win is a win. [Niners Nation]
  • Niners Turf describes the game as “watching two teams slog ineffectually toward nothing in particular” and a “Raider highlight film from 2004.” [Niners Turf]
  • Just how did offensive coordinator Jim Hostler know that the end-around game winning touchdown would work? And whatever happened to Jeff Hostetler? [Hashmarks]
  • There was another Bill Walsh tribute during halftime. [SFGate]
  • Gwen Knapp says that as Frank Gore goes, so go the 49ers. [SFGate]
  • You should really check out Will Leitch’s live blogging of last night’s game. [Deadspin]

Got a Niners’ blog that should be on our radar? Send it on over.

[Photo courtesy: AP Photo/Dino Vournas]


It Starts.

September 6, 2007

https://i0.wp.com/files.turbosquid.com/Preview/Content_on_1_23_2006_13_56_16/NFL_View_4.jpg81c64575-66ba-4053-9c6a-d2635585fd2eLarge.jpg

Tonight, the Indianapolis Colts and New Orleans Saints square off to kick off the 2007 NFL season, and we still haven’t done much football previewing, so here are some thoughts on what we see happening in the upcoming season. Feel free to contribute your own predictions, because we’re fairly certain none of ours will come to fruition. Except the last one.

  • The Niners go 9-7. They start out as a mediocre team struggling with high expectations, but are bolstered by a cupcake second-half that sees them finishing up their schedule against Minnesota (who, Tampa, Cincinnati (who will disappoint this year) and Cleveland (who disappoints every year).
  • The Niners don’t get swept in a season series against a division foe, thus enabling them to sneak into the playoffs.The image “https://i2.wp.com/www.etruth.com/media/NewsPhotos/25826_websm.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.
  • The aforementioned playoff clincher comes in the snow-filled finale against the Cleveland Browns and Brady Quinn (right). Despite looking fabulous, Quinn tosses three interceptions and gets booed off the Cleveland field. Also, a double-A battery hits him in the head on his way out. He isn’t wearing a helmet because he’s got to showcase that beautiful head of hair.
  • Frank Gore fumbles seven times, but still rushes for 1500 yards and proves that he is, in fact, the only African-American Greek god (though we’ve got a sneaking suspicion about Demeter). Gore spends his offseason residing on Olympus.
  • Alex Smith does his best Rex Grossman impression, but despite his efforts, the Niners still win a couple games. He has the lowest QB rating of any QB in the playoffs.
  • Vernon Davis writes an email to us, saying he would rather not be referred to as “VD.” He leads the league in receiving yards for a tight end at the halfway mark, but is actually beaten to death by Mike Nolan after his fourth 15-yard celebration penalty in as many games.
  • The defense is the pleasant surprise of the year: still not perfect but much improved. Patrick Willis and Manny Lawson prove that they will be the foundations for the next generation.
  • That East Bay team sucks again.
  • Speaking of that East Bay team, their first round pick–whatever his name is–doesn’t done a silver helmet with a cartoon face on it all season. He does, however, wear a fur coat on the private plane that he bought with the money he got from his imaginary contract. But my, does he look stunning!
  • ESPN takes care to mention Mike Nolan’s suit every. single. time.
  • Dianne Feinstein saves the San Francisco 49ers from moving to Santa Clara, prompting Say Hey to run a post that says she deserves a parade for being one of the best Niner fans out there.
  • Bill Walsh is sorely missed.

And That’s The Preseason. Finally.

August 31, 2007

https://i0.wp.com/media.sacbee.com/smedia/2007/06/11/21/680-2S12NEWNOLAN.highlight.prod_affiliate.4.JPGThank god the preseason is over. With the preseason too long to begin with as it is, the 2007 version could not end soon enough. Let’s get this thing started and turn the page from the 49ers’ woeful August.

The 49ers looked terrible once again in last night’s 16-13 loss to the San Diego Chargers.

In particular, it was another ugly performance by Alex Smith; in almost two quarters of play, he compiled a 6.2 passer rating (23 yards, interception, fumble, one first down).

Vernon Davis, meanwhile, mocked Shawne Merriman’s “sack dance” after a reception, garnering boos from the crowd and groans from Niners fans with still-fresh memories of TO.

To make matters even worse, The Brain Trust Behind YouTube Sports didn’t even pick the Niners to make the Super Bowl. He did, however, spend all damn day putting quarters into the little machines at the local Kentucky Safeway, trying desperately to get the correct mini-helmets. Excellent props, Kige. Shake those helmets! It means you’re serious!

[Sidenote on our man-crush on Kige Ramsey: if you haven’t done so, you should probably check out his blog. He writes like he speaks. According to his Monday post, Alberto Gonzalez was forced out by the liberals (aka left-wing mo-rons) in Congress!]


Monday Bloody Monday: Niners’ Loss Leaves Optimism Behind (Hopefully)

August 27, 2007

https://i0.wp.com/www.fogcityjournal.com/images/photos/49ers_061109/96nflsf49ers.jpgWith an embarrassing performance from the starting unit, the 49ers may have realized that being the sexy preseason sleeper team doesn’t mean that you’re good yet.

Ever since the experts anointed the 49ers as the team most expect to make “the jump” this year, we’ve been worried that it’s inevitable that the 49ers will disappoint. [Note: we have similar trepidation about the upcoming Warriors’ season as well. We’re worriers. More on the W’s later in the week.]

The Niners are young. They are talented, but despite Mike Nolan’s warnings, it’s easy to see the young kids get overconfident with all the positive buzz surrounding the upcoming season. Hopefully, Saturday’s dismal first half by the starters will turn on some lightbulbs.

To recap the lows:

  • The defense allowed 31 points … in the first halfto Rex “The Sex Cannon” Grossman, who was last seen being extraordinarily mediocre in the Super Bowl, fumbling away the Bears’ championship hopes.
  • Alex Smith completed two–two!–passes for ten–ten!–entire yards in the first half.
  • Star running back Frank Gore will go into the first game of the season without any real contact. Oh, and he already has a fumbling problem.
  • If the preseason is any indication, Frank Gore has no viable backup. Gore’s current injury should be a closed book in a week or two, but in the NFL, injuries are almost a given (especially with Gore’s injury history), and the running game has been dismal without Frank-Geezy. Throw in the fact that the Niners appear to be a run-centric team, and you’ve got a developing situation.
  • Just how much will the Niners miss Norv Turner? If the preseason is any indication (which it very well might not be), they will miss him a lot.

In a lot of ways, we wish the media would be centering their attention and Cinderella tales around the Arizona Cardinals or the Detroit Lions. But what’s done is done. The kids better start to realize that wins are not like media passes or attention deficit disorder; you have to earn wins.