August 17, 2007
The above legal document–which comes to us via The Smoking Gun–is the August 13th federal lawsuit filed by Jonathan Lee Riches in the U.S. District Court in Indiana. Some of you may remember Riches from his earlier lawsuit against Michael Vick, in which he sued the troubled Falcon for $63 billion (and claimed that Vick stole his pit bulls, sold them on eBay and bought missiles from Iran with the dough).
The entire four-page document is hand-written because Riches is not allowed to have a typewriter in his South Carolina prison.
Before we present it in all its glory (it’s a must-read), here are some of our favorite gems from the actual lawsuit (spelling mistakes abound):
- “Plaintiff seeks 42,000,000.00 million dollars in Swiss Francs, certified money order to the B.O.P. lockbox in Des Moines Iowa collectively from defendents.”
- “Mr. Selig on 2 occations (Dec. 10th 2001, Feb 6th, 2003) met Mr. Bonds at the I-70 Steak N Shake, Booth #11, made an under the table cream exchange, needles, HGH…”
- “Barry Bonds uses Hank Aaron’s corked bat during ballgames. The Bat has a secret chambers where barry stores his HGH supplements. Bonds takes them while he awaits in the batters Box. Bonds Left a voice mail message on my I-phone, made threats towards me.”
- “Barry Bonds is responsible for getting me federally indicted in Houston Texas case #H-03-90, because I threatned to expose his and Bud Selig’s steroid/cocaine ABUSE.”
- “I also witnessed Mr. Bonds selling steroids to nuns.”
- “Mr. Bonds gave mustard gas to Saddam Hussein. Part of the oil for food scandal.”
The entire treat, post-jump.
Read the rest of this entry »
August 10, 2007
Barry Bonds wants your congratulations.
Back on Tuesday night, didn’t you wish you could congratulate Barry Bonds on his record-breaking home run? Well, now you can. In a promotion on Bonds’ official website, you can leave him a voicemail by calling 866-281-4117.
So … we did it.
“Thanks for calling BarryBonds.com where you can leave your personal message for Barry. After you do, we’ll send a text message with what you said, a note from Barry and a password so you can access your note on the web. Is that ok?”
And then we hung up.
Just like Bud Selig.
And then we got this text message: “From Barry Bonds: Thank you for your support and for this message.”
Just like Bud Selig.
Congratulate Barry [BarryBonds.com, via Sports By Brooks]
August 9, 2007
A day after his inflammatory comments about Barry Bonds, steroid use and baseball, Dale Murphy appeared on KRON with your favorite KRON sports guy and ours, Gary Radnich.
In cased you missed it earlier this week, here’s just part of what Murphy had to say about Bonds and 756:
“He’s deserved all the negative publicity that he’s getting. I mean, people are calling up and complaining, I’ve heard the last few weeks, that that he’s being treated unfairly. You know, life just usually isn’t like that. You don’t usually get treated unfairly. You usually get what you deserve. This is what Barry deserves. He’s a hard guy to like. He’s a hard teammate to have and, you know, he’s set a terrible example for our kids.”
Like Radnich points out, Murphy should be applauded for speaking against “the boys’ club,” regardless whether or not you agree with his take on the situation.
Even more importantly, Murphy is actually doing something about the steroid problem in sports. He started the iWon’tCheat! foundation to try to combat the troubling fact that one million high school athletes used steroids last year. Bravo, Mr. Murphy.
iWon’tCheat! [Official Site]
Dale Murphy On Bonds: ‘A Terrible Example for Our Kids’ [The FanHouse]
August 8, 2007
No more “Bonds is up 7th next inning” updates.
No more Bud Selig appearances.
No more Pedro Gomez.
No more Erin Andrews.
Now sans distractions, the Giants can go on to win the division.
[Photo courtesy: SFGate/Lance Iversen]
August 3, 2007
During last night’s Giants-Dodgers athletic contest, sideline reporter extraordinaire Erin Andrews interviewed Jon Lovitz during the game. Fresh off beating up Andy Dick, Lovitz was in a candid mood and actually made a lot of sense out of this steroids mess. We’re eagerly anticipating the Youtube version of this, but for now, Bugs & Cranks has a transcription of part of Lovitz’s rant:
“All this stuff about steroids is a bunch of a crap, you know.I know about seven years ago I spoke to a major baseball player in the league, and I said, ‘How many players do you think take steroids?’
And he said ‘Forty percent.’
And I’m not saying whether he [Bonds] took ‘em or not, all I’m saying is the league totally allowed it, you know.
And anyway, whether he did it or not. You figure out of all those players — 750 — three guys hit a lot of home runs. Three.
So obviously that’s three out of 300 taking it. And that’s not the difference. So, you got to work your ass off. The guy’s just a great hitter.“
At the conclusion of the interview soliloquy, Andrews said something along the lines of “Well, that’s that” and sent it back to Berman and Morgan in the booth, where they were both rendered speechless (and we thought that was impossible).
The moral of the story: Jon Lovitz makes plenty of sense out of this Bonds fiasco. And Erin Andrews is (still) hot.
Bonds = Perfect Role Model; Jon Lovitz Makes Most Intelligent Bonds Comment Since Chris Rock’s [Bugs & Cranks]
Wake Up with Erin Andrews [Barstool Sports]