Um, Hey, Yeah, About Those New Sharks Uniforms … They Seem Like They Have Nice Personalities

September 19, 2007

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A couple weeks ago, we revealed the new Sharks logo, complete with goldenrod eyes and cartoony meanness.

Yesterday, the Sharkies finally unveiled the actual uniforms; the biggest difference is the incorporation of the goldenrod stripes as the main accents. You’ll remember—or not—that the Sharks’ old accent was silver. We prefer the silver to the burnt orange.

In our best Ralph Barbieri voice: “Go Sharks.”

Also, as you may be able to surmise from our trimonthly hockey posts, we’re not the biggest hockey connoisseurs, so if you know hockey or can write with a computer, drop us a line. Canadians also welcome.

Cry of the Fishmonger Special Report: Sartorial Splendor [SFist]

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Reno + Rugby + Brothel = Oops.

September 5, 2007

In the days of our youth, baseball tournaments in Reno were a staple and even back then, everyone knew Reno was a wannabe Vegas.

No, a wannabe Tahoe City.

A wannabe Truckee?

Well, it was a shithole.

So when we heard that A.) there was a rugby tournament sponsored by a brothel; B.) the tournament was called “Biggest Little Rugby Tournament in the World”; C.) the after-party was at said brothel; and D.) one of the players was arrested after he left his two-year-old child in the parking lot in his car and its 125-degree heat.

Some other tidbits:

  • The offending rugby-er is named Lucien Hoffman, but his nickname is Torpedo!
  • The (very hot) child was discovered after security guards heard her crying. When they couldn’t find her parents, they called the police and then took her inside the brothel. As if you needed more proof that hookers really have hearts of gold!
  • Hoffman Torpedo was attending the tournament with his girlfriend, which is a different woman than the girl’s biological mother, with whom he shares custody. He probably won’t be sharing custody for much longer.
  • The child is ok, for those who were wondering (a.k.a. those of you with a soul who are not finding any humor with a grown man named “Torpedo”).

Stay classy, Reno. You too, rugby players.

Father Arrested After Leaving Toddler in Car at Brothel Parking Lot [Fox, via Deadspin]


The 10 Ugliest Bay Area Uniforms

June 7, 2007

The Bay Area is home to some of the best uniforms in sports. In just about every case, classic uniforms are best and the Giants, A’s, Niners and (gulp) Raiders all currently sport aesthetically simple yet tradition-rich uniforms. Plus, the Warriors “The City” jerseys get our vote as the best uniform in the history of the NBA, if not all of sports.

With that said, we’ve been witness to some visual pollution over the years and there are still a good deal of atrocities roaming the playing fields (and rinks) of our fair cities. So without any further ado, we present our first draft of … The Ugliest Bay Area Uniforms.

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10. Cal Bears football: Solid color pants rarely work, especially when the accompanying jersey is bright yellow with navy claw marks sneaking up into the arm pit areas. But the good news is that there are worse uni’s in the Pac-10.

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9. The 1970 California Golden Seals: A’s owner Charlie Finley bought the struggling NHL team and outfitted them in the Athletics’ trademark yellow and green. But the team sucked, lost money and became the Cleveland Barons.

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Giants Roundup: And Now, It Begins

May 9, 2007

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With Mr. Bonds hitting #745 last night off Tom Glavine to pull within 10 homeruns of the record, the sporting world is slowly shifting its collective focus to the chase, or rather, the controversy behind the chase.

  • Ray Ratto to America: Welcome back to Barry-homer-mania, thanks for coming earlier than expected and don’t forget to leave sooner than later. [SFGate]
  • ESPN Page 2 columnist Jemele Hill begs God to smote the land upon which Barry Bonds trods. Yeah, as if Bonds hasn’t already made a deal with someone making sure that doesn’t happen. [Page2]
  • Now, we’re normally the last ones to defend Barry, but resident MLB loudmouth Curt Schilling’s rant yesterday was just plain silly: “I mean, he admitted that he used steroids … I mean, there’s no gray area. He admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game, so I think the reaction around the league, the game, being what it is, in the case of what people think.” Actually, Curt, he has not admitted to many of those things. Therein lie the perjury charges. [ESPN]
  • Meanwhile, David Ortiz can’t tell the difference between bananas and steroids. We’re already looking forward to Big Papi “forgetting” English when summoned to Congress. [FanHouse]
  • Bonds and OJ: karma coming around? Or just loopholes made clear? [100% Injury Rate]
  • Contrary to popular belief, there was a baseball contest last night, and Matt Cain’s bad luck continued. After a rough two innings, Cain pitched shut out ball through seven, giving the bullpen some much needed rest, but Glavine was better and the Mets won 4-1. [SFGate]
  • Speaking of the Mets, a woman is suing a 300-pound man who allegedly fell on her and broke her back during a Shea Stadium game. [Deadspin]
  • Whomever had Dave Roberts in the first-Giant-to-go-on-the-DL office pool, come get your prize. [official site]
  • The good (Brad Penny, Jose Cruz Jr), the bad (Nomar, Randy Johnson) and the ugly (Todd Helton’s goatee, Randy Johnson’s mullet, Barry Bonds’ backne) from the first 30 or so games in the National League West. [McCovey Chronicles]

[Photo courtesy: SFGate/Carlos Avila Gonzalez]


Didya Hear The One About The Pope And Raquel Welch?

April 10, 2007

With all this Don Imus business going on lately (Which is terrible by the way. There’s nothing funny about ignorance. Except for Tim Hardaway…), we kept looking at Imus’ ugly mug over and over again.

Then it finally hit us.

He looks like the Pope! The Pope of the Catholic Church!

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Of course, that got us thinking …

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